Ten Weeks
by SiriusMarauderFan
Summary: The brief betrothal of Sirius Black and Dolores Umbridge. Five shot.
1. First

**Author's Note:** Alys is an evil, evil woman. That is all.

Also, I couldn't come up with clever chapter titles.

Written for…

5 Drabbles Competition. _Crack pairing:_ Sirius Black/Dolores Umbridge. _Prompt:_ gift-wrapped box

FanFicWriMo June Bonus. _Prompts:_ bereft, chandelier

Unusual Ships Challenge.

Title Challenge II.

 _ **first**_

The first thing Orion did after bringing his sons home from King's Cross was turn to his eldest and announce "Your mother has found you a wife" which Sirius promptly translated to "We've found someone desperate enough to take you."

The Umbridges arrived the following afternoon. Sirius knew the girl in question; like all Slytherins, he'd made an effort in avoiding her at all costs, but they'd shared a few classes together in their five years of school. Now she stood in his foyer in a soft pink dress with a matching bow in her dark hair and he wanted to make a crack but his mother had been primping him all morning, slicking back his hair and forcing him into dress robes, and he looked just as bad as the girl.

They sat side by side in the den. She was a welcome decoration in a room otherwise bereft of color and style and beauty. He watched her from the corner of his eye as their parents chattered. Her head kept moving around the room, admiring the crystal chandelier and the ornate tapestry.

"Sirius, don't you want to give Dolores your gift?" his mother suggested suddenly, and Sirius was reminded of the gift-wrapped box sitting on the table between them.

The gift was customary during these sorts of arrangements and he hadn't taken part in selecting it, but he accepted Dolores' thanks as she slipped the bracelet on.

The thought crossed his mind to compliment her - she looked about a thousand times better all dressed up than she did with flobberworm slime down the front of her robes - but the dinner bell rang and they were moving into the dining room before he found the words.


	2. Second

**Author's Note:** Written for…

5 Drabbles Competition. _Crack pairing:_ Sirius Black/Dolores Umbridge. _Prompt:_ "Hands" by Jewel (song)

FanFicWriMo June Bonus. _Prompts:_ heatwave

 _ **second**_

"I'm sorry it has to be this way," Dolores murmured only loud enough for him to hear.

It was two weeks into the summer holidays and they were officially in the midst of both their courtship and a heatwave that kept them trapped indoors and ruined all plans of going on a picnic to avoid their overbearing guardians.

Sirius shrugged, tugging on the tight collar of the long-sleeved shirt his mother demanded he wear to the meeting. "It's not your fault. Not really any use in complaining."

"We shouldn't be forced to do something we don't want to do," she said, eying the door where, Sirius was sure, her father was listening on the other side.

"I know, believe me. We could at least make the best of the situation?" he suggested. She wrinkled her nose.

"You actually _want_ this go through?"

"I'm not overly fond of the idea of having my future decided for me, no," he clarified, remembering all the wedding preparations his mother was already tending to. "But I think it could be a lot worse. There are plenty of women I would hate to be stuck with."

"And I'm not one of them?"

"You're much prettier than the girls I was thinking of." And it was true. Outside of the dungeon lighting and away from the other Slytherin goons, Dolores looked a thousand times better.

She didn't seem to take the compliment well, frowning at him.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"Not … wrong, exactly." She was no longer looking at him, more focused on smoothing down her skirt. "I just don't want to become some housewife. My mother was miserable, stuck at home all day. I don't want to be like her. I don't want to be made useless."

Sirius smiled. He could imagine the look of horror on his mother's face if she'd heard those words come from her future daughter-in-law. They may have been shocking and out of line for a pureblood marriage arrangement, but Sirius had never found Dolores more attractive.

He reached across the couch, taking her well-manicured hand in his own. She met his eyes in surprise.

"I promise you, I will never hold you back from whatever you want to do."


	3. Third

**Author's Note:** Written for…

5 Drabbles Competition. _Crack pairing:_ Sirius Black/Dolores Umbridge. _Prompt:_ white

FanFicWriMo June Bonus. _Prompts:_ semblance

 _ **third**_

"Dolores is not coming between us!" Sirius shouted, wincing at how his words must have sounded to the other patrons of the Three Broomsticks. He lowered his voice and tried to calm himself, determined to have some semblance of a civilized conversation before his date arrived. "I've just been busy the last few days."

James scoffed, leaning back in the booth and crossing his arms. "You've written three letters to me, and it's been a month and a half! I bet if I ask Remus and Peter they'll say the same."

"Okay, fine, I've been preoccupied. So would you if your parents blindsided you with a betrothal."

"First, my parents don't have archaic beliefs. Second, I wouldn't go along with. I never thought you would either."

Sirius hated the way it sounded, like he was betraying his friends; like he was becoming a stuck-up snob like all the Blacks before him.

"It's not worth my time arguing over. If I fight the betrothal they'll just kick me out. And where am I gonna go then?"

"My house, obviously!"

"I can't. Your place is great to crash for a few days until my parents cool off, but I can't expect your folks to be okay with me staying there for longer than that."

"They will, trust me. Just … I don't know. Ditch the snake, head home and pack a bag."

Sirius scowled. The plan may have suited him a few months ago, but he'd spent seven weeks getting to know Dolores, intending to become her husband in a few years. And while he was still willing to do whatever it took to break the arrangement, he had no intention of treating her like trash.

The restaurant door opened and there she was, white summer dress blowing in the wind and long brown curls pulled back. She smiled when she spotted him.

"Dolores is beautiful and funny and smart, and I'm not dumping her just because you feel threatened," he whispered across the table. "Now behave. She's headed this way."


	4. Fourth

**Author's Note:** Written for…

5 Drabbles Competition. _Crack pairing:_ Sirius Black/Dolores Umbridge. _Prompt:_ forgotten letters

FanFicWriMo June Bonus. _Prompts:_ curious

 _ **fourth**_

Sirius smiled down at the latest batch of letters deposited on his bed, pleased with himself for having solved all his scheduling conflicts that had plagued the first half of his summer. For the last few weeks he had been able to enjoy his girlfriend's company while still managing to make time to write to his friends, keeping everyone happy. It helped that Dolores had succeeded in charming everyone she met.

With an hour left until his latest dinner date, he sat down at his desk and got to work replying, even taking the time to pack a bag for the surprise trip out to Remus' later that week to spend the full moon with him.

"Sirius, you have a visitor!" his mother called up in a disturbingly happy voice.

Not even halfway done with the stack, he stuffed the letters in his jacket pocket. He couldn't risk Regulus snooping around his room while he was gone.

:-:

Another perfect evening, Dolores thought, sipping her tea slowly and admiring the frilly tablecloths of Madam Tablecloths. She smiled at her date, who didn't seem to be as interested in the décor.

"Will you excuse me for a moment, dear?" He kissed her hand as he stood up from the table, and Dolores giggled like the school girl she was as she watched him head off to the restroom.

She was entertaining herself by counting all the doilies in the room when her eyes caught sight of Sirius' jacket draped over the back of his chair, and the envelopes sticking out from it.

Her mother always said her curiosity would get her into all sorts of trouble. Judging from her mother's dull life, Dolores never took much stock in what she had to say.

With a quick look in the direction of the restroom, she reached across and snatched the first available letter.


	5. Fifth

**Author's Note:** Written for…

5 Drabbles Competition. _Crack pairing:_ Sirius Black/Dolores Umbridge. _Prompt:_ screaming

FanFicWriMo June Bonus. _Prompts:_ callous

 _ **fifth**_

"Your best friend is a werewolf!" Dolores shrieked. Sirius grabbed hold of her bare arm and dragged her into the alley between Madam Puddifoot's and a herbologist's shop.

"Keep your voice down, we don't need all of Hogsmeade finding out."

"He's a _werewolf_. Are you out of your mind?" She wrenched her arm free of his grasp, backing up against the brick wall.

"It's not a big deal…"

"HE'S A MONSTER!" she screamed, shocking Sirius into silence.

For a moment, looking at the fear in her eyes, Sirius wondered if that was what Remus saw when people learned of his condition.

His next thought was of the anger building in him as he continued to listen to Dolores spew insults at a man who had been like a brother to him.

"How could you be so callous?" he said, glaring at her. "Oh, never mind. I must be blind if I couldn't see what a bitch you are."

His words only seemed to fire her up. She moved away from the wall, yelling in his face and pushing him back.

"Everyone is going to know what a freak Remus Lupin is! I'm not going to school with a monster."

All hope of resolving the situation peacefully went out the window. Sirius lunged at her, trapping her against the brick wall.

"I don't think you've thought this through, Dolores. You know what I can do. You know the hell I've put Snape through, and that's just because he's slimy and irritating. Can you imagine the havoc that will come your way should you even hint at Remus' condition to anyone?" he growled, sounding disgustingly like his father.

She seemed afraid for a moment, he mouth opening and closing like a goldfish. He released her, and her courage returned to her.

"This arrangement is over!" she yelled.

"You're damn right it is."

:-:

James was in the middle of sweet-talking his way to a second helping of dessert with the doorbell rang. He bounded up from the table muttering about bad timing, but stopped his complaining at the defeated look on his best friend's face.

"I didn't know where else to go…"


End file.
